I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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