I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
