i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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