Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
