Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
