Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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