U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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