You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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