If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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