Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
