We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize