Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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