I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
