just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
