my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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