Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
