Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
