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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
