I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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