tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
