When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
