Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
