All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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