I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
