I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
