I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
