Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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