Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
