I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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