He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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