We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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