her vagine was all disorganized.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
