my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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