I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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