oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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