I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
