you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize