im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize