Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
