I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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