I heard we made out
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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