So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
