She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
