There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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