Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
