I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
