So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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