I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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