i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
