Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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