yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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