U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
