Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
