I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize