the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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