Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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