i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
