You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
