There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
