Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
