are you so shy because you have an std?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
