you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
