You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
