my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We got so high we made milksteak
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
