Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
