we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Randomize
