omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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